M. L. "Dick" Weber
Parody of Lee Child's Novels Jim Reacher pulls off the highway and parks his massive Harley Davidson hog of a motorcycle in the dirt parking lot of a seedy bar. It's early, not yet sundown, so the only other person around in the seed-infested parking lot is a young man standing by the door smoking a cigarette. Jim Reacher ambles toward the door while rotating his head to loosen and crack the vertebrae of the fire-plug-like neck which sits atop his massive chest like the trunk of a mature redwood. The young man bars the door. Jim Reacher stops, smiles massively and says-- I'm here to see your boss. What's your name? Last name of Reacher, but you should call me Dick… Dick Reacher? LOL What kind of… With his massive right hand open full, and Special Forces-trained reflexes, Jim Reacher slaps the man across the face. The man staggers and falls against the door as he tries to recover. Don't say "what" again, you follow? Huh? You can say huh but don't say what. What? With his massive left hand open full, Jim Reacher slaps the man across the face. The man staggers and tries to recover. Now move out my way. The young man draws a gun. Jim Reacher laughs a massive laugh and smiles calmly. You better put that away. You can't see my boss so get the hell out of here. Listen boy your boss slobbers on his wife and I'm here to see justice is done. Who told you that? Some bitch… What? With both of his massive hands now closed into ham-like fists, Jim Reacher now brings his combined mitts lightning-fast-down like hog-sized sledge hammers on the man's gun hand. The gun flies to the ground and goes off, wounding an old lady who is walking across the street two blocks away. She falls and seconds later a Buick driven by a 99 year old geezer will run over her. I told you not to say what. The young man bares his gold teeth and goes to bite Jim's massive crotch but Jim Reacher grabs the young man's shaven bald head with his Special Forces-trained fingers and scours the eyebrows off the young man's forehead and then breaks his neck. Now you look like the dick head you really are... Jim Reacher throws the dying man to the ground and opens the door and walks into the bar to find the boss and finish his job of righting wrongs for the day. |